Thursday, October 8, 2009

My Ex

"I'm an ex-derivatives trader." That's how I introduce myself to colleagues these days. I haven't fully decided whether my past should be a source of pride or shame. On most days, I think the latter and usually deliver my opening line with the contrition of an AA member. Of course, my tone doesn't matter much to the people listening. None of them know what a derivative is and few care to find out. So, the conversations tend to be brief and a bit awkward -- kind of like my career on Wall Street.

If I do make it to a second introductory sentence, I hasten to add, "I voluntarily left Wall Street," with an emphasis on the "voluntarily" part. My career was short and no doubt painful, yet I left the trading floor on my own accord. In fact, after two years, I'd amassed a great deal of responsibility, probably too much. Scarcely above the legal drinking age, I somehow found myself trading two of the most esoteric derivatives books at one of the largest banks in the world. I like to think I'm a smart guy (and certainly nobody has accused me of thinking otherwise), but I'll be honest -- most of the time, I had no fucking clue what was going on. And neither did anybody else.

See, that's the really funny thing about Wall Street. If it seems inscrutable from the outside, it's downright cryptic from the inside. It wasn't until I actually arrived on the trading floor that I realized just how opaque the engines of the financial sector really were. I'm talking about derivatives particularly, which fueled the banking industry before the credit crunch and will likely reassert their dominance when Alan Greenspan or some other luminary says the crisis has ended.

Because derivatives are so important, I've decided to devote a blog to them. Yes, I'm aware that most of Wall Street doesn't understand these curious creatures and that most of the world beyond Wall Street doesn't give a shit about them. Still, I'm hoping a few people might care. What can I say? I guess I'm hung up on my ex.

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